As part of my 31 Days and 31 Ways to Be a Better Mom series, I wanted to share Our Before School Rule. Because if your house is anything like mine, that one or two crucial hours before the tardy bell rings have the potential to be the worst part of your day!
I’m so excited you’re back today to join me on this journey over the next 31 days! If you’re a new visitor, be sure and check out this post to see what the whole 31 Days and 31 Ways to be a Better Mom series is all about. And keep checking back in every day so you don’t miss anything! Each post will be on my Facebook page and in my newsletter as well.
Time Schmime…
Having children brings a whole new perspective to being on time for anything I’ve found. Whether it’s your baby that needs to nurse the MOMENT you are ready to step out the door, your potty-training toddler that has to go #2 as you’re ready to leave for the doctor’s appointment, or your 6 year old dragging their feet on a school morning. Sometimes it seems you have no control!
Over the years, I have certainly come up with a lot of tips and tricks to help you get out the door during the school year but even I know that many days, some things are just out of your control!
But what I have also learned (and remind myself of daily) is that what is most important in those 2-3 hours before school is NOT that my kids are dressed appropriately with teeth brushed and hair combed. It is NOT that I fed them a nutritionally sound breakfast. It is NOT even that they arrived to school on time.
What’s My Rule (For ME!) On School Mornings?
Sure, those things are realllllyy important, don’t get me wrong. But what is most important each morning is that I send my kids off to school with good memories of our morning. That they remember home as their safe haven and me as their best friend. NOT that I fussed at Hannah this morning because she drug her feet getting out of bed and then spilled her bowl of cereal. Not that my girls got into an argument and I yelled at them for not working things out.
Don’t Let This Be Your Mantra
Because when my girls get to school, they are away from me for a full 6 hours. And I don’t know what they will face when they are out of my loving arms. Will there be bullies? The fear of fitting in? No one to sit with at lunch? Subjects they just can’t grasp?
Or maybe I do know what they will face at school – Bullies, the fear of fitting in, no one to sit with at lunch and school subjects they just don’t get.
So knowing that, how can I send them to school stressed out and anxious from MY behavior?
So the one rule I try to keep in our house is that regardless of the circumstances, I will bite my tongue and refrain from fussing at or reprimanding my girls over anything that is not life or death.
Is this a hard rule to keep? Yes! Especially when little irritating things start to add up in the mornings and I just CANNOT for the life of me understand why my girls can’t seem to find two matching shoes as we are headed out the door.
Do I keep this rule perfectly every day? No…because I’m human. But is it worth the extra effort to try and make it happen most days? Absolutely.
And don’t think I give my girls a free pass on behavior, attitudes or actions that don’t fly in our home. I usually say a simple “We can talk about it this afternoon,” and then I address it that same day.
Time & Distance Make Little Things A LOT Less Important
But you know what? Once 6 hours have passed and we’re not on a timeline and we’ve all had a little distance, it’s a lot easier to discuss those silly things. And it’s also a lot easier to come up with a viable plan of action to fix those problems.
And perhaps most importantly, that time and distance remind me that whatever it was I was all stressed and irritated about that morning, isn’t really a big deal.
And that this time in my life will pass all too quickly. That the days of them wanting me to lay with them when they wake up will all too soon be replaced with teenage hormones and a biological need to pull away from me.
What Will Your Kids Really Remember?
And I realize that, 10 years from now, my girls probably won’t remember how they drove me batty because I was unable to keep their leggings from touching their socks (true story). But they will remember that each time they went to school, they had a feeling of peace and calm and that they knew, no matter how bad the day may go, the morning was good and that I would be home waiting for them.
I would love to hear what you do in the mornings to make things go smoother for you and your family!
And be sure to come back tomorrow for Day 2! Can’t wait to see you then!
If you have missed any in the series 31 Days & 31 Ways To Be A Better Mom, catch up here:
INTRO TO SERIES:
INTRO TO 31 DAYS & 31 WAYS TO BE A BETTER MOM
DAY 1: OUR BEFORE SCHOOL RULE
DAY 2: UNPLUG AND PLUG IN
DAY 3: STEP AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD
DAY 4: EMBRACE YOUR CRAZY
DAY 5: BE A REBEL
DAY 6: DO AS I SAY
DAY 7: FIND YOUR VILLAGE
DAY 8: DIVIDE & CONQUER
DAY 9: ONE SMART COOKIE
DAY 10: CREATE YOUR OWN FAMILY TRADITIONS
DAY 11: STOP COMPARING YOUR CHILD
DAY 12: TAKE CARE OF #1
DAY 13: DATE YOUR CHILD
DAY 14: THE MEAL TIME RULE WE DON’T BREAK
DAY15: GIVE THEM KISSES LOTS OF KISSES
DAY 16: IN THE MIDST OF THE STORM, BE THEIR CALM
DAY 17: PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES
DAY 18: QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP
DAY 19: RELAX…YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO FINISH
DAY 20: NURTURING YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER CHILDREN
DAY 21: WHEN THEY ARE HARD TO LOVE, LOVE THEM HARDER
DAY 22: FAMILY DINNER SHMINNER
DAY 23: REBELLION IS A CRAZY THING
DAY 24: TELL THEM IT WILL GET BETTER
DAY 25: YOU DON’T HAVE TO LOVE YOUR KIDS THE SAME
DAY 26: IT’S OKAY TO WISH TODAY WAS OVER
DAY 27: BE A GOOD DAUGHTER
DAY 28: QUIT TRYING TO BE THAT OTHER MOM
DAY 29: YOU CAN’T BUY THEIR HAPPINESS
DAY 30: TELL YOUR KIDS YOU ARE A FAILURE
DAY 31: LEARNING TO LET GO
Thank you for this article. I REALLY needed it this week. Now for the challenge of biting my tongue and dealing with it later.
Haha! Just know that I have to bite my tongue too!!
This is such a great attitude for the morning! I try to do the same – nobody’s day gets off to a good start when one or more of us are stressed or anxious. And I figure they won’t have a good morning at school if I’ve been a big hot mess. I also definitely do not want them to be happy to go to school because mommy’s always a mess. I just know that socks will be missing, shoes will be complained about, etc. Since I know it’s coming, I just try not to get upset about it!
Yes Karen I agree! If you prep yourself mentally that is half the battle!!
We find mornings really difficult (as you can imagine with 3 year old twins and boys who are 5 and 7)! We have had to play around with routines and now my oldest has to get dressed before breakfast. he doesn’t like it but he leaves 30 minutes earlier than the others so it is a necessity. (Although if he actually got himself upstairs and dressed I’d happily let him eat breakfast first!) And yes, totally agree that keeping yourself calm is the key to this time (or any time) of the day!
HAHA – My oldest knows she has to be dressed, with hair brushed and shoes picked out before she can do anything! Otherwise, we would probably be late every day!
Absolutely, 100% NO TV in the morning. Prepping clothes and lunch the night before. If I break either one of these rules the morning is a disaster.
Kati I agree on the prepping food! I make all the sandwiches for the week and freeze them Sunday!!
Great article! I work midnights and find mornings can go sour pretty quickly (as I am tired)! I once sent my 9 year old off to school, fresh from yelling, arguing and tears (from my tiredness and irritability)….with a guilt only a mother would know! He came back home, after 10 minutes there…and we both cried, felt better and hung out the rest of the day! Such a great reminder!
That is exactly what I would have done as well! No one is perfect – tomorrow is always a new day. I know your son loved that special day with you – talk about turning lemons into lemonade!
Thank you for this great post! I appreciate the suggestions shared here and believe them completely! In 2008, Thomas monson, a prophet in my church, said it perfectly..If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.
Oh how I have felt the sting of this as my oldest of 5 is now 17 this month and my baby is 3. How I miss him as my little man but LOVE the young man he is becoming! ! What i have done? I have made this quote into wall vinyl and it is on my laundry room wall. 🙂 i keep trying every day and include God in my life and theirs!
I love that quote Angie! Even though my girls are still young, I am all too aware that these moments are passing too quickly. Perspective is really half of good parenting!
This article was was great! I know how mornings can go wrong as my daughter (now 26 yrs old) could flip out over her shoes not being tied tight enough to wanting her hair down instead of in a ponytail. I always tried to make sure the mornings would be relaxed by preparing everything the night before and making sure the last thing she would hear was how much I loved her. This is a perfect Day 1 Rule!!!
Your article was right on point for young or new moms, but there was one thing you said that bother me. You wrote, “That they remember home as their safe haven and me as their best friend.” The best friend comment is something I feel can be taken to far. Now, I don’t mean to step on anyone’s toes, but I’m one who saw many parents try to be “best friends” with their children and it didn’t work out in a positive way. Being their best friend will hurt your relationship with them. I may of interpreted what you wrote wrong, and if I did, I apologize. I believe you need to be a parent first and a friend second. Your child will respect you and come to you when they have a situation more than being a best friend and expecting they need to tell you everything. I saw it backfire on too many parents as my daughter went into high school. I’ve heard many young mother talk about how they want to be best friends with their children and I just want them to think about what they are saying.
Again, I did enjoy your article and I’m sorry if I said something to offend you or your readers. I’m only going by the what I saw as my daughter went through school and some of the pain my friend endured.
Thank you Cindy for your thoughtful comments. And no you of course did not offend me! I do want my girls to think of me as their best friend but perhaps not in the way you are thinking (or probably have observed). Here’s my post on it…http://www.thecolemines.com/why-i-am-my-childs-best-friend/ I would love to hear your thoughts! And thank you for following along!
I’m so glad I didn’t offend you as I did hesitate writing you about the comment. I read your post Why I am my Child’s Best Friend and I enjoyed it. I love that you want to instill the same type of relationship with your daughters as you have with your mother. It makes sense what you are saying for that is the way I raised my daughter. (which I’m still raising-she moved back in to return to college for another degree) We are very close, but we have had our up and downs too. The only thing different is, I guess, I never thought of it as being her best friend. I’ve thought as it as being her mother, guiding her along the way and being there for her in the best of times and the worst of times. You were right though…..when I read your post I was returning to what I had observed. (and some of what I observed, I wished i could forget-lol) The parents of these girls, I believe, were wanting to return to their glory days. So as I think this through, I assumed since you stated you wanted to best friends with your daughters, you were that type of parent too. with that I do apologize. After reading your article I feel we are very similar, just wanting the best for them and wanting them to know we will always be there for them. Thank you!!!! I will be clicking back to your blog to read more about your girls and your life. 🙂
Thank you Cindy for following up with me! We really are on the same page =) I too witnessed the mess that was caused when moms wanted to be best friends with their kids in all the wrong ways. So glad you found my blog!
<3 I just love an involved follower... you are awesome!!
The thing that worked for me was making my daughter a flap chart with all the things she needs to do before she can have free time and play, while the flaps are down she gets reminded fairly often to do stuff if they go up quickly she gets way more free time and no reminders. Really helped with maintaining my calm most mornings. The ultimate rule has always been if you don’t get ready by the time we have to leave I will take you to school in your pj’s and you can get dressed there has only ever got to this point once with my son.
Kids are so visual so I’m sure your chart worked wonders! I definitely like to prepare as much as I can but for those inevitable days that don’t go as planned, I try to fall back on my rule! Thanks for following along!
I make sure to give hugs, kisses, Nd say I love you. As a teacher, I see kids all kinds of stressed and angry as they arrive at school. I have to remember that I need to Start of the day positively, so that he can have a fair shot at a good day at school. I know I will be the one who loves him best all day, and I have the power to make or break his outlook on the day. So, though he is a bear to get out of bed or out of the shower, I will refrain from fighting. 🙂
I really think teachers have such special insight!!
Great ideas! Mornings can be so hectic. I hope to keep this in mind in the fall!