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November 5, 2015

Day 30 Tell Your Kids You Are A Failure

“I stink at this!” I yell across the room at my oldest as she’s crying on her bed and I’m standing at the door.

The red handprint on her bare hip is glistening, almost screaming at me to remind me what an awful mom I am.   Let me tell you,  I don’t need the reminder.

Day 30 Tell Your Kids You Are A Failure

Hannah is only 3 and in a particularly trying day, she has not been listening at all.  The final straw came as she swung and hit me getting out of the bathtub.  In sheer anger and frustration, I popped her back.

The sting and the burn only amplified by her wet skin, my child who rarely cries in pain, screamed out.

I knew immediately I had made the wrong choice…all of the sudden, all the frustration and anger I had felt had morphed into guilt and remorse.  Guilt I carry nearly 4 years later.  Guilt that keeps me up those nights I let my mind wander back to that day.

As I follow her to her room with my loud proclamation that I have no earthly idea what I’m doing most days, I wrap her little body in mine and hug her and cry.  I promise to never hit her again…and I meant it.

Years have passed and since that point, I have found a gazillion other forms of discipline…time outs, reward jars, no electronics, etc.  But not physical force.  I realized that day, coupled with the handful of times I had used it before, that it was NEVER going to work in our family.  My child didn’t respond to it and I had such enormous guilt over it that to even consider it again would have been idiotic.

But that day, Hannah heard me say something that she and her sister have been hearing, in one form or another, for 6 years now…

I kinda don’t know what I’m doing in this parenting thing.

I mean, honestly, do any of us REALLY?  I “get” it one day only to be slammed back to reality the next.  

So yeah, I’m sort of a failure…like every single day I have this gig.  

But I let my girls know it…not in the “Hey I’m an awful parent…definitely don’t listen to anything I have to say” way.  But in a “Hey, guess what? I’m human.  I’m fallible.  I’m figuring this out as I go.  And I hope and pray that you love me and trust me enough to know that my end goal is ALWAYS going to be the same – taking care of you.”

I like to think that my girls respect me a little more because of my honesty.  That they see at the end of the day, I’m really just like them…just a LOT older and with bigger boobs.  But in my heart, I’m still a little girl who wants to do it “right” the first time and be loved by those I love the most.

And I also think that by sharing my own failures with Hannah and Hazel,  I am showing them it’s okay.  It’s okay to fail.  It’s okay to not get it right.  It’s okay to keep trying.

But it’s not okay to quit.  It’s not okay to throw in the towel and think I can’t do this any better.

Because you can.  Because I can.  Because they can.

It just takes work.  And a lot of effort…some days more than other.  It takes realizing you are wrong sometimes and saying I’m sorry.  

And it takes hugs…a whole lot of hugs and kisses.  Because when I think I’m doing it all wrong, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I can do that right every single time.

hillary fb

If you have missed any in the series 31 Days & 31 Ways To Be A Better Mom, catch up here:

31 Days and 31 Ways To Be A Better Mom

INTRO TO SERIES:

INTRO TO 31 DAYS & 31 WAYS TO BE A BETTER MOM

DAY 1: OUR BEFORE SCHOOL RULE

DAY 2: UNPLUG AND PLUG IN

DAY 3: STEP AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD

DAY 4: EMBRACE YOUR CRAZY

DAY 5: BE A REBEL

DAY 6: DO AS I SAY

DAY 7: FIND YOUR VILLAGE

DAY 8: DIVIDE & CONQUER

DAY 9: ONE SMART COOKIE

DAY 10: CREATE YOUR OWN FAMILY TRADITIONS

DAY 11: STOP COMPARING YOUR CHILD

DAY 12: TAKE CARE OF #1

DAY 13: DATE YOUR CHILD

DAY 14: THE MEAL TIME RULE WE DON’T BREAK

DAY15: GIVE THEM KISSES LOTS OF KISSES

DAY 16: IN THE MIDST OF THE STORM, BE THEIR CALM

DAY 17: PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES

DAY 18: QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP

DAY 19: RELAX…YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO FINISH

DAY 20: NURTURING YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER CHILDREN

DAY 21: WHEN THEY ARE HARD TO LOVE, LOVE THEM HARDER

DAY 22: FAMILY DINNER SHMINNER

DAY 23: REBELLION IS A CRAZY THING

DAY 24: TELL THEM IT WILL GET BETTER

DAY 25: YOU DON’T HAVE TO LOVE YOUR KIDS THE SAME

DAY 26: IT’S OKAY TO WISH TODAY WAS OVER

DAY 27: BE A GOOD DAUGHTER

DAY 28: QUIT TRYING TO BE THAT OTHER MOM

DAY 29: YOU CAN’T BUY THEIR HAPPINESS

DAY 30: TELL YOUR KIDS YOU ARE A FAILURE

DAY 31: LEARNING TO LET GO

 
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Filed Under: Parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: 31 days, 31 ways to be a better mom, I'm a failure, parenting

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Heather aka HoJo says

    November 5, 2015 at 9:34 am

    I know I haven’t taken the time to comment every day, but THANK YOU for this series! You’ve truly done a great job, and I have so enjoyed the 30 days of posts. This one is especially true. We all really have no clue what we are doing. I’m still a relatively new mom (with a 7 month old), so I haven’t had too much experience with having to tell him my failures yet. However, as a former teacher, I know telling my students that I wasn’t an expert made them trust in me more. I can only guess that the same will be true with my own children. I will do my best to tell them how it is – mom needs to find the answers in some form or another. Thank you for making me think for the last 30 days. It’s been a great ride and I can’t wait to see what you write about next! =)

    Reply
    • hb_gril2@yahoo.com says

      November 7, 2015 at 2:47 am

      Thank you Heather and thanks for following along. Enjoy these sweet days with your baby…even though my youngest is only 3 I miss those days so much. It does get easier and harder and easier again…but it’s never the same!

      Reply
  2. Heather says

    November 6, 2015 at 12:06 am

    I also want to say thank you for doing this series. there have been a few times that your posts have been exactly what I (and my kids) needed, and I was able to better handle the situation after reading your post!

    Reply
    • hb_gril2@yahoo.com says

      November 7, 2015 at 2:42 am

      Heather thank you so much! That really means a lot to me!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Day 2 Unplug And Plug In - The Cole Mines says:
    June 25, 2016 at 10:09 pm

    […] DAY 30: TELL YOUR KIDS YOU ARE A FAILURE […]

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  2. Dear Mom... Embrace Your Crazy - The Cole Mines says:
    July 3, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    […] DAY 30: TELL YOUR KIDS YOU ARE A FAILURE […]

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  3. Be A Rebel in motherhood - choose your path - The Cole Mines says:
    July 8, 2016 at 12:49 am

    […] DAY 30: TELL YOUR KIDS YOU ARE A FAILURE […]

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  4. 5 Discipline Rules For PARENTS - The Cole Mines says:
    September 11, 2016 at 8:58 pm

    […] I like to think in the actual role of being a mom, I have learned a lot about myself in learning to discipline my […]

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Hi I'm Hillary! Just a mom trying to raise my kids the best I can in this crazy world. I hope you'll join me as we figure out how to be the best mom, wife and person we can be!

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