If your child is showing a lot of anger or aggression, don’t discount this critical missed reason for aggression in children. I’ve watched it play out in real life over and over and am thankful in my own child’s life, I was able to figure it out.
I could hear my daughter and her best friend playing upstairs. At 2 years old, Hannah and Sydney had been meeting for playdates for nearly a year. But as usual, I was holding my breath.
Every.single.time my daughter would inevitably use physical force during their time together. I’m not just talking about a little nudge when she didn’t get her way.
I’m talking a full out shove into the wall.
HOW CAN THIS BE MY CHILD?
And I would be so embarrassed. How could this sweet little girl with whom I did not even spank have so much pent up aggression?
And it wasn’t JUST with her friends. It was directed at me as well. Hannah would get SO ANGRY with me over the smallest thing. If I said it was time to get in the car and she wasn’t ready, she would begin hitting me over and over.
I struggled with what to do. I had learned very early on that physical force was definitely not the way to deal with physical force.
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It made no sense for me to tell Hannah to NOT HIT while I was hitting her. So I learned new and better ways to discipline.
But it still didn’t explain the WHY. Why was Hannah so full of anger and aggression? It definitely went beyond the normal emotional ups and downs of being a toddler.
WHAT WAS THE MISSED REASON FOR AGGRESSION IN CHILDREN
I hate to admit that it took nearly 4 years of doctor’s appointments and occupational therapy sessions and my own investigative work to discover the TRUE missed reason for aggression.
Hannah had an underlying, undiagnosed medical condition.
She had chronic sinusitis. I had known for quite some time she was having recurrent sinus infections and had learned many ways to deal with the side effects. But what I didn’t realize was that even on antibiotics, she was still sick. Her sinuses were never being cleared.
So what did this mean?… Well how do YOU feel when you have a sinus infection?
She was exhausted from a lack of sleep.
She had a constant headache.
She could not breathe.
Her throat was sore.
Food never tasted “right.”
She had lasting pressure behind her eyes.
Overall, she just felt crappy.
Well, after 4 years of this, wouldn’t you be angry? Especially if you couldn’t explain your symptoms or understand why?
I found this whole idea of a “missed reason for aggression in children” to hold true in so many other cases.
Yes, of course you can see it play out in a child who is sick for even a short time. When kids don’t feel well and are tired, they act out. Period.
But it’s this long lasting, undiagnosed illness that is so easy to overlook.
My really good friend has a 6 year old son who is one of the sweetest boys I know. Yet, she was always worried because “E” seemed to get angry so easily. To yell, to push, to act out. It was really upsetting to her because she could not figure out how to calm him or stop the anger and aggression.
In talking to her, we both agreed something physical had to be going on. I shared with her my story on Hannah.
She began seeing her pediatrician…and specialists. They ruled out allergies…and reflux…and ADHD. Finally, because he had been waking so much at night, a sleep study was ordered.
Which revealed a very serious condition called Central Sleep Apnea. In layman’s terms, his brain wasn’t sending a signal to his heart and lungs to pump oxygen, which resulted in E being without oxygen for extended periods all through the nights.
Serious…But fixable. Now E is on a CPap machine and is sleeping better…and surprise?!
Behaving better as well.
As for Hannah? Once we figured out the root problem, we spent the next several years fixing it. It’s not been easy. We’ve had her tonsils removed, her adenoids removed (3 times!), a sinus surgery in December and ANOTHER one next month that will be more extensive.
But her behavior? She is the sweetest, most gentle child I could have asked her.
Don’t misunderstand me – she is NOT perfect. She still gets angry and mad and doesn’t always listen.
And she is STILL chronically sick. But I KNOW it…and she knows it. And we are working on a way to “fix” her.
And you would not believe just how far that knowledge can carry you….you and your child.
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I am sure you have explored many medical options but as a chronic sinusitis sufferer I have found the reduction of dairy and gluten from my diet has aided greatly. it is surprising the difference it made. I also was diagnosed with a severe mold allergy which is helped by taking OTC allergy medicine and flushing. I too had a couple surgeries but saw greater improvement with diet modifications. good luck to you in your journey.
You are not the first person to bring this up so I absolutely believe there is a correlation! Thank you for sharing your story because it just adds fuel to my fire so to speak. We did cut dairy for a while but my daughter was so sick, I truly think she was beyond dietary fixes. HOWEVER, now that she has had sinus surgery again (last week), I truly believe if we add in the reduction of dairy and gluten and sugar, I will see less symptoms. Thank you again!
I was just telling a friend that I can tell 3 days out before my child gets sick because her behavior deteriorates and is so irritable! Now I will be much more careful to track sinus issues because of complaining about headaches more often.
It really makes a huge difference in their attitude!!
hi my daughter is 4years old and i feel your pain…… she gets annoyd at nothing and angry over nothing. she coughs alot and sinus and allergy. done test and everything….. did it help to have the surgerys?
Each surgery is helping her…I’m REALLY hopeful this last one she had last month will be our final one. Definitely do NOT give up. You are her advocate. If you are concerned and not getting anywhere, take her to a pediatric ENT who comes highly recommended. Good luck!!
Do adenoids grow back?! Why did she have adenoids surgery 3 times? (My 5yo daughter had tonsils and adenoids in 2016, and my 3yo son had just adenoids in 2016 as well.)
Yes! Since adenoids are lymph tissues, they can grow back! It’s rare – I think less than 10% of cases which was why it was even crazier my daughter’s grew back twice!
As a fellow person who gets sinus infections, a lot…the big thing that I have found to help is non perfume laundry soap, hand soap, dryer sheets, bath soaps, etc., and natural cleaning products, no perfumes (I use vinegar, water and essential oils). I find my sinuses get instantly inflamed and a headache around any scents. Also, cutting back on foods that release histamine in the body. Cutting out dairy, gluten, didn’t help me. Countless dr appointments and allergy testing. Honestly since I cut out scented things and switched to scenting with essential oils I haven’t had a sinus infection in over 2 years!!
Thank you for your comment! Yes any kind of smell is an irritant for sure! We found no success with cutting out gluten and only a mild difference with dairy (but when my daughter is sick we cut out dairy for that time period).
Hello:
We found an improvement of significance after tonsil and adenoids were removed. Our symptoms were more varied than just rage, however.
I noticed that you mentioned that your child still gets sick a lot. How has she been (in terms of rage or perhaps other behaviors) since you posted this article?
I ask because our son received a diagnosis of PANS, an autoimmune disorder in which infections of many kinds trigger behavioural issues.
Thanks Bob for your comment! Very interesting. We have not had any issues since we resolved her sinus problems but your comment is very helpful for others in my audience!
This study was recently published: Improvement of psychiatric symptoms in youth following resolution of sinusitis
http://www.ijporlonline.com/article/S0165-5876(16)30380-9/abstract
Thanks for your article. Well written and very helpful for us.
It is really interesting how being chronically sick can impact the body and mind!