Dear Mom Who CHOOSES To Work, there are a few things I want you to know. Because I’m guessing this road you have chosen isn’t always the easiest and this path isn’t always the most “approved.”
To The Working Mom Who CHOOSES To Work,
You are perhaps the most vilified and respected mom on the block, depending upon who you talk to.
There are the stay at home moms who are able to finagle finances and cut corners just to be home with their kids. There are the moms who have to work because, without their income, insurance, etc their family just can’t make it, regardless of how many corners they cut. There are the moms who stay home without giving much thought to money or budgets because they are in a comfortable financial situation. And there are the moms who stay home because the thought of not doing so almost literally breaks their heart.
And then there is you…the mom who chooses to leave her kids each day in someone else’s care to go to work. The mom who doesn’t HAVE to keep the 9-5 grind but does it ANYWAY.
You get all dressed up, drop the kids at day care or with parents or with the nanny and off you go. Off to your job with no pages to color, no doctor to play, no tent making or fortress building, no dirty hands to wash, no grimy faces to clean, no stinky diapers to change. For 8 full hours, you are in charge of just you…you might even eat lunch out and choose something other than the crusts of 2 PB&Js crammed down while standing up tending to the needs of cute but messy kids.
What kind of mom are you? I mean, really!
Well if I had to guess, I would say you are an amazing mom. You wake each morning to get all dressed up but have to work in ALSO getting your kids ready. You drop them off at daycare or the nanny or mom’s but I highly doubt they ever leave your mind. You are away from them most of the day but you field phone calls, cover doctor’s visits, and leap into action when sickness strikes. You get home and do homework, cook dinner and put them to bed.
So what about that part about you CHOOSING to work?
Well this is why I’m betting you’re an amazing mom…because you have made a choice to do what will make you happy. And I have always felt strongly that the mom who is happy is the best kind of mom.
Do I stay home with my kids? Yes and I could not imagine it any other way.
HOWEVER, I wasn’t sure this was how I would feel. What if, I asked myself, I brought that baby home and I lost my mind caring for a tiny, crying, nonverbal being attached to me all day? What if I couldn’t do it? What if I needed the kind of stimulation that my job and peers gave me?
So I told my husband this when we found out I was pregnant…I MAY stay home with baby girl or I MAY find her a loving daycare close by and return to work.
Because for me, the answer wasn’t clear cut before my daughter was born. I just really didn’t know.
But the one thing I knew for sure was that if I stayed home and resented being there, that would show. It would rear it’s ugly head when my baby cried…when I didn’t have time for a shower…when I walked around with spit up as an accessory…when my friends talked about their success at work…when I was eating PB&J for the 118th day in a row…when my husband came home and told me about his day.
That feeling of resentment and unhappiness would leach into every part of my life…and you had better believe my baby would feel it and know it. Because babies are smart like that…and they only get smarter.
So while working outside the home wasn’t the right choice for me, the point is that motherhood is like budgeting. It’s all about choices…you give up some thing here so you can have something else there.
But as long as you are loving on and caring for your babies and realize that at the end of the day, they are and should be your #1 priority…you are getting it right.
So SAHMs that love it, stay home. And working moms who love your job, keep working. But be happy because that is what your kids will see and feel and know. Let the joy you find from working or staying home flow over into their lives too. Finding balance is an equation all moms have to figure out, whether they work outside the home or not. But as long as your child knows they are loved and cared for and their mom loves them above everyone else, the job of motherhood will be the one that always wins out.
CHECK OUT THESE OTHER POSTS:
I can completely relate to not knowing whether or not giving up my career to stay at home would be ok. I knew I wanted to, but had no idea whether or not I would enjoy it. Like you – I, too, wouldn’t have it any other way. But I also understand the mothers who need to do it differently!
Wonderfully put!
Thank you! I have worked my entire life and have two teenage daughters. Sometimes I am made to feel guilty for choosing this path in life but I am happy, my husband is happy and my children are happy. They had the opportunity of spending their childhood days with their grandparents which neither I nor they would trade for the world. It makes me appreciate the time that I do have with them when I get home from work or am off for the day. Thanks for showing us that there are different ways to have a happy life.
Toni, I am so glad to hear this resonated with you! I know so many moms who stay home and aren’t really happy about it and it truly shows. Kids want a happy mom who loves them and it sounds like you have found that balance!
Thank you for this post! I’ll be honest, I wasn’t quite sure where you were going with this when I first started reading. However, I agree that EVERY mom should choose what works best for HER! Thank you for your honest, truthful approach! I’m a new follower. I found you via the Your Modern Family link up. 🙂
Aw thank you Heather! It really does make a difference when you are happy!
I wish someone would write an article about ‘I had no choice, I have to work, I’m the breadwinner of my family’, many of these mothers would have loved to have stayed at home with their babies.
Jill I have so many friends in your exact shoes right now. It would be so hard to be doing the opposite of what you truly want but know you are being such a good mom by putting their needs first.