Getting married doesn’t mean that you all of a sudden lose all attraction or interest in other people but learning just how to stay faithful to your spouse is as important as actually staying faithful. Because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!
“I’ll be late again tonight,” I hear Bryan say on the other end of the phone. Something about a big project…deadlines…lots of people staying late.
It’s not the first time I’ve gotten this call…in the nearly 13 years Bryan and I have been married, I get this call (or text) 2 or 3 times a week I’d say.
And in another life, you know… the life I had pre-kids, pre-SAHM…I would often have to call Bryan and he would hear the same words…I’m working late…gotta get this done tonight…don’t wait up.
But something about being a mom who stays home all day with a preschooler and a 1st grader…
A mom that many days showers and throws my hair up and laughs at her makeup bag…wondering why she still has one.
A mom that fixes breakfasts, and packs lunches and cooks dinner but that is usually covered in some sort of food or snot or worse by the time my husband comes home in his sharp slacks and dress shirt….
Something about being THAT mom sometimes can make me a little more on edge when I get that call from Bryan.
Because Bryan’s an attractive guy…hey, I married him didn’t I?
And he’s smart and witty (though we both agree I’m funnier) and he’s REALLY good at what he does at work. He’s a people person….everyone seems to like Bryan.
So much so that if anyone tells me they don’t like Bryan, I start to wonder about them…not Bryan.
And each day he heads off to work looking all professional and each day I look like…
refer to the earlier part of this post.
But in our 12+ years of marriage, neither of us have ever stepped outside the lines of fidelity in our commitment to one another.
We’ve never towed the line between faithfulness and cheating.
Is it because we are somehow better people or better at marriage? No
Is it because we have never felt attraction to someone else in the past 12 years? Nope
Because let me be the first to say we are human. We make mistakes. We are by no means perfect. And I will be the last person to judge anyone who finds themselves in a situation different than ours.
But I do believe in that old standby…
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
You see there is one “rule” that Bryan and I have talked about over and over with regards to our marriage. It goes something like this:
I love you…and have made a faithful, lifelong commitment to you and this marriage.
You love me…BUT we both agree that sometimes we will get on each other’s nerves, make each other mad, and not always bring out best selves to the table.
We are both human and while our commitment is rooted in faith and love, we WILL find other people attractive. There will be times in our life when someone of the opposite sex just “seems to get me.”
In light of all this, I promise to not willingly put myself in a situation that would make cheating easy.
Simple isn’t it?
Because I truly believe that convenience is WAY underrated when it comes to reasons for affairs.
Someone that you work with all the time.
A dad you see at the park all the time.
Someone you see all the time at the gym and strike up a conversation with.
Someone in your neighborhood.
Someone at your kid’s sports games.
All too often, affairs are matters of convenience. Throw in a lull in your marriage (and yes, these are bound to happen), a snippy argument, a day (or week) of feeling unappreciated, and you have a perfect storm.
But I think we have so much more control over this than we give ourselves credit for.
So Bryan and I promise to each other that should we find ourselves traveling down that path, we will do a 180. Whether that means going to a new park, finding a new gym or simply going with your spouse to your son’s baseball game…
Because marriage and love are rarely convenient. They require commitment. They require dedication. They require a lot of overlooking flaws and praying your spouse does the same.
And sometimes, they require driving a few miles further to a new gym.
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