Surviving Parenting After Your Divorce

Parenting after divorce can seem like an insurmountable task some days.  Sharing custody, figuring out who gets kids for the holidays, understanding that you won’t get to be witness to all of your child’s milestones any more.  It’s an emotional blow.  But it can be done…and done well.  It comes down in large part to accepting that things have changed, working with your ex-spouse and remembering that above all else…the kids take precedence.

On The Cole Mines, I write a lot about parenting…things I’ve learned along the way, tips I’ve found in raising two kids that have made my life easier and my childrens’ more fulfilled.  I write about what it takes to be a good mom and the things I try and do to be a better one.  

I write about discipline and what we’ve found that works…and what doesn’t.

I mainly write about this journey that is parenthood and all the ups and downs along the way.  The good, the bad, the ugly…and the stuff no one wants to talk about at all.

I also write a fair amount on marriage – appreciating your spouse, keeping your marriage strong and recognizing that you are in this thing together.  

I certainly don’t get parenting or marriage perfectly but I figure I’m getting it “right” enough that we are still all alive and well.

READ MORE HERE FOR MY SERIES ON BEING A BETTER MOM

But there’s an important part of parenting and marriage I haven’t addressed.  And it’s not because it’s rare.  And it’s certainly not because it’s not important.  

It’s simply because I truly believe in only writing about what I KNOW.  What I have experience in…what I can speak with, at least some version of, authority on.  

What my life is…that is what I write on.

As a result, I have not written on separation, divorce, and the aftermath it leaves for families and children.  I have not written on the devastation it brings to each parent…the same parents who love those children as much as they did before the marriage ended.  

I have not written on how to share custody but still show your children you are always there for them.

I have not written on the bond a mother can make with a child that technically “isn’t their own”…but really is in all the ways that matter.

So I would like to thank the reader who emailed me recently to ask for posts on just these topics.  On how to be the parent you want to be even if  your marriage isn’t going the way you had planned.  Because our children need us…whether we are single or married.  Whether our spouse is our best friend or our worst enemy.

Children need their parents.  We provide the things the rest of the world can’t…and shouldn’t.  And while I can imagine that going it alone can’t be easy, it’s worth the effort to figure out how to do it right for both you AND your children.

The articles below are friends of mine that have “been there, done that” and in most cases, are still doing it.  And the information they have to share is beyond inspiring, whether you are married or not.

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SHARED CUSTODY

Kelly, from The (Reformed) Idealist Mom, is a constant source of fun, witty and inspiring parenting posts.  I love her two posts on finding ways to stay close and connected with your kids when they are with the other parent.  

 

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Dayna over at Lemon Lime Adventures addresses the difficult nature of sharing those prized holidays with your ex-spouse.  Everyone wants the kids for Christmas and Thanksgiving…how do you do what’s right for your kids?  I can tell you the word “flexible” shows up a lot!

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Krissy at B-Inspired Mama has some really useful ways to help your children when the parents don’t live close together – sharing custody, working in holidays, and fostering a strong relationship with their father.

HELPING YOUR CHILDREN COPE WITH THE DIVORCE

Paula from Beauty Through Imperfection has some great advice for supporting your kids through divorce.  4 really simple things you can do to help them through a difficult transition…

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I love Renae’s take (from Every Star Is Different) on helping your child adjust to the effects of separation and divorce.  I especially love how she handle’s the whole issue of “that’s now how we do it at Dad’s.”  

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I love Justine’s practical tips (from The Typical Mom) on how to be divorced but minimize it’s impact on your child.  Love her take on minimizing transitions in the switch off…especially if it’s midweek.  

CREATING CONNECTION IN A BLENDED FAMILY

Kelly from The (Reformed) Idealist Mom has an ingenious way of dealing with that pesky little thing of not having a shared last name.  It’s a reminder that words (and names) have meaning…

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Krissy at B-Inspired Mama has a great post on how to keep your blended family close even when you are apart from your children.  

THE EMOTIONAL SIDE OF DIVORCE

Stacey from The Soccer Mom Blog has a beautiful piece on just how much her stepdaughter means to her. This really was beautiful and it’s a good reminder that just because you aren’t related by blood, it doesn’t mean you aren’t family.  No matter the circumstances.

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Kelly at The (Reformed) Idealist Mom does it again in this piece on how much heartache is involved when you have to give up your kids for the week…the weekend…a few days.  It doesn’t matter the time, it only matters they are not with you.

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Be sure and read the post from Christie at Childhood 101…Two. The Number of Separation.  Because once you are no longer with your spouse, your child begins to experience everything in 2’s.  But when it comes to the love you show them, what matter is the ONE unified front your child sees.  Truth in this article!

 

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