“When They Are Hard To Love — Love Them Harder“ kind of speaks to EVERY mom in the history of the universe because there are some days it just seems hard: hard to remember that they are only children who need our love, patience, guidance, and joy more than anything in the world.
I’m sure you can relate to those days when everything about motherhood seems hard.
- Those days when your young child has been screaming about twisted seat belts.
- The mornings when the crying starts because you picked out socks that have an itchy seam.
- The afternoons when your child is fussing because it’s too hot to be at the park, only to fuss 30 minutes later when you announce it’s time to leave.
- The days when the kids are arguing about whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher (a job that will take them five minutes, tops.)
- In the evenings, when it’s only 4:00, and everyone is already hungry… but the dinner that’s on the stove is not what they had in mind. So their complaining & bargaining for something else begins.
- The nights when it’s already past bedtime and no one is ready for bed (while all you want to do is fall asleep)… no one is showered, everyone is wound up, no one is listening, and it feels like getting them into bed is going to be a chore in itself tonight.
Because you’re tired…because you haven’t slept in what seems like a lifetime. And you haven’t showered in 2 days. And you feel like the weight of the world is wrapped up in that little body that only weighs 40 pounds. And you realize you are responsible, in many ways, fully and wholly, for this little human’s health, happiness and well being.
And she’s crying…again. Or she’s talking back. Or yelling and hitting at you. Or he won’t listen for the 100th time today.
And you just think….I cannot do this another minute! Like not even one second more.
What is WRONG with her? Why does everything have to be so dramatic? so whiny? so hard???!!!
And then it hits me…it’s because she is a child. A little tiny person who, at the ripe old age of 6 is, in many ways, expected to carry herself and behave like a 26 year old. She is supposed to know when to speak, when to be quiet. She is supposed to listen to me, her dad, her teacher, and almost any adult she comes in contact with. All the while, we expect her to make her own choices and guide her own decisions.
She sits at a desk for 6 hours a day, listening and being quiet. Studying and taking tests. She’s figuring out who her friends are and how to be a good friend.
She’s figuring out how to be a good person, a kind person…she’s figuring out the things that really matter in this world, all the while being expected to share her favorite barbie with her sister.
And sometimes, sometimes, it gets to be too much for that little body and mind. And she needs to let it out…and who better to let it out on than the one person in the world with whom she knows, knows beyond a shadow of doubt, that she is safe with.
So on those days when my girls seem extra hard to love, I know that these are the days when I need to love on them more. Give them more hugs. Kiss them harder. These are the days they need me the most. To get down on my knees and look them right in the eye and tell them that even on this day…even on their worst days, I will always love them.
And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that they can say or do or think that will make me love them less. No, on these days, their bad days, I will love them harder.
If you have missed any in the series 31 Days & 31 Ways To Be A Better Mom, catch up here:
INTRO TO SERIES:
INTRO TO 31 DAYS & 31 WAYS TO BE A BETTER MOM
DAY 1: OUR BEFORE SCHOOL RULE
DAY 2: UNPLUG AND PLUG IN
DAY 3: STEP AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD
DAY 4: EMBRACE YOUR CRAZY
DAY 5: BE A REBEL
DAY 6: DO AS I SAY
DAY 7: FIND YOUR VILLAGE
DAY 8: DIVIDE & CONQUER
DAY 9: ONE SMART COOKIE
DAY 10: CREATE YOUR OWN FAMILY TRADITIONS
DAY 11: STOP COMPARING YOUR CHILD
DAY 12: TAKE CARE OF #1
DAY 13: DATE YOUR CHILD
DAY 14: THE MEAL TIME RULE WE DON’T BREAK
DAY15: GIVE THEM KISSES LOTS OF KISSES
DAY 16: IN THE MIDST OF THE STORM, BE THEIR CALM
DAY 17: PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES
DAY 18: QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP
DAY 19: RELAX…YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO FINISH
DAY 20: NURTURING YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER CHILDREN
DAY 21: WHEN THEY ARE HARD TO LOVE, LOVE THEM HARDER
DAY 22: FAMILY DINNER SHMINNER
DAY 23: REBELLION IS A CRAZY THING
DAY 24: TELL THEM IT WILL GET BETTER
DAY 25: YOU DON’T HAVE TO LOVE YOUR KIDS THE SAME
DAY 26: IT’S OKAY TO WISH TODAY WAS OVER
DAY 27: BE A GOOD DAUGHTER
DAY 28: QUIT TRYING TO BE THAT OTHER MOM
DAY 29: YOU CAN’T BUY THEIR HAPPINESS
DAY 30: TELL YOUR KIDS YOU ARE A FAILURE
DAY 31: LEARNING TO LET GO
And this does not end with childhood. it is just as vital in the teen years when it seems even harder to love them so unconditionally. They have hormones raging, and even more peer and societal pressure, and better ways to express the many ways they disagree with or dislike you. Oh it doesn’t get easier, it just changes. And they always need exactly what you just said so beautifully. They need all the love you can muster to make it through.
Agreed! And I know my own Mom would look at me now and through different seasons, say the same is true (wedding, rearing children)…when I am at my worst is when I need my mom the most!