Day 8 Divide and Conquer gets to the root of how a successful marriage or partnership can really make you be a better mom. Learning to let go and play to your strengths works to only better everyone involved, especially your children. Today is Day 8 in the series 31 Days & 31 Ways to Be A Better Mom. Be sure and scroll to the bottom of this post to catch up any you may have missed!
It’s Okay For Moms & Dads to Provide For Different Needs
Not too long ago, I wrote a post called 10 Reasons Daddy Is More Fun Than Mommy…a semi-tongue in cheek article on all the reasons my girls probably see their dad as the “fun” one while I’m the responsible care-taker.
I got quite a bit of flack for it, people telling me my family priorities were messed up if I was handling all the cleaning, cooking, birthdays, doctor appointments, laundry etc. To which I responded with a post about how I don’t mind being a more traditional SAHM who handles a lot of the day to day of managing our home and our family.
Because to me being the best mom I can be means playing to my strengths. Doing the things I know I’m good at (and many times enjoy). And letting my husband do the same.
Isn’t that we are trained to do all of our lives? To excel in the areas we are good at? Whether academics, sports…Then we choose a career path based on what we like to do – work with people, work with computers, help others and on and on.
So for me, parenting is no different.
I’m a better housekeeper and cook any day than my husband. On the other hand, my husband LOVES to be outside doing anything! Yard work, washing the cars, planting flowers, playing ball…he doesn’t see any of that as a chore. So it’s a natural that the girls love to be outside playing with him. He plays tickle dragon who lurks at the bottom of the slide to tickle the girls if they can’t escape. He fills huge buckets of water and has water gun fights with them.
Have I done all those things? Yes, of course. But to be quite honest, it seems like work for me. Whereas buying birthday gifts is something I enjoy…and it keeps our kids from getting tools for their birthday.
Camping in the backyard in 90 degree weather?! Totally a Dad thing…and he loved every minute!
Bryan is also more of a risk-taker with the girls where I’m the worrier.
It’s very possible that without Bryan, I may have purchased one of those bubbles for my girls to live in. I’m always saying Be Careful, Don’t Poke Your Eye Out, Don’t Hit Your Head. And he’s the one tossing them in the air and racing them on scooters.
Let me tell you…Kids need both.
So Bryan and I have a sort of silent agreement we have culled over the years.
It goes something like this:
You make the money…I’ll manage our family life so you can.
I’ll cook the meals…You don’t get to be picky.
I’ll pack your breakfast and lunch every day…You don’t waste money on other purchases.
You’re in charge of the dirty work (lawn, cars, maintenance)… I’ll wash the dirty clothes.
I’ll set most of the guidelines for our girls (when to potty train, time for homework, rules and punishments)…You trust that I’m a good mom and support me in those choices because you know I spend 100% of my time with them.
We work together to establish the fundamental principles that will guide our family, our home life, what is important and what isn’t.
We will both decide our vision for our girls. Where we want their lives to go. The kind of people we want them to be. The way we want them to live.
And while we can’t control these things, we will do everything in our power to steer them down the right path.
And we will do it together. Separate jobs…but a united front.
A Better Mom AND A Better Dad.
If you have missed any in the series 31 Days & 31 Ways To Be A Better Mom, catch up here:
INTRO TO SERIES:
INTRO TO 31 DAYS & 31 WAYS TO BE A BETTER MOM
DAY 1: OUR BEFORE SCHOOL RULE
DAY 2: UNPLUG AND PLUG IN
DAY 3: STEP AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD
DAY 4: EMBRACE YOUR CRAZY
DAY 5: BE A REBEL
DAY 6: DO AS I SAY
DAY 7: FIND YOUR VILLAGE
DAY 8: DIVIDE & CONQUER
DAY 9: ONE SMART COOKIE
DAY 10: CREATE YOUR OWN FAMILY TRADITIONS
DAY 11: STOP COMPARING YOUR CHILD
DAY 12: TAKE CARE OF #1
DAY 13: DATE YOUR CHILD
DAY 14: THE MEAL TIME RULE WE DON’T BREAK
DAY15: GIVE THEM KISSES LOTS OF KISSES
DAY 16: IN THE MIDST OF THE STORM, BE THEIR CALM
DAY 17: PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES
DAY 18: QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP
DAY 19: RELAX…YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO FINISH
DAY 20: NURTURING YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER CHILDREN
DAY 21: WHEN THEY ARE HARD TO LOVE, LOVE THEM HARDER
DAY 22: FAMILY DINNER SHMINNER
DAY 23: REBELLION IS A CRAZY THING
DAY 24: TELL THEM IT WILL GET BETTER
DAY 25: YOU DON’T HAVE TO LOVE YOUR KIDS THE SAME
DAY 26: IT’S OKAY TO WISH TODAY WAS OVER
DAY 27: BE A GOOD DAUGHTER
DAY 28: QUIT TRYING TO BE THAT OTHER MOM
DAY 29: YOU CAN’T BUY THEIR HAPPINESS
DAY 30: TELL YOUR KIDS YOU ARE A FAILURE
DAY 31: LEARNING TO LET GO
My husband and I have a similar agreement: he does the outside work; i do the inside (but if it’s inside and dangerous, he does it.) he who does the work gets to decide when, what, how. i cook, so i decide what to make & whether it’s time for a night out. he shovels snow, so he decides if it’s time yet & where the snow gets thrown. i cook more often than he shovels, but i have ac/heat! 30+ years so far!
We are on the same page! In our 12 years, he has NEVER complained about a meal because he knows he didn’t have to cook! LOL!
Go Hillary and hubby! I love this! This should help all moms with strategy plan for their family. When I get married, this will surely help me. Thanks! Great series!