I don’t know about you but Day 18 Quit Beating Yourself Up is one I need to remind myself of at least once a day. I’m not sure where or how we learn it as moms, but to truly be a better mom, we need to quit using ourselves as a punching bag.
When did it happen? When did we become the punching bag in this relationship with ourselves? I don’t remember being so hard on myself before the kids. I know I’m an intelligent person who’s made a decent way in this life. But when it comes to me raising my girls, I beat myself up at every turn.
Why didn’t I fix a healthier breakfast today?
Why did I lose my temper so easily when the girls were arguing?
Why was I so hard on Hannah during homework when it was so clearly obvious that she was embarrassed she couldn’t understand it.
Why didn’t I find time to workout this morning?
Why did I start the same load of clothes 4 times in the past two days?
Why didn’t I run faster to catch Hannah before she fell off her bike?
Why didn’t I take Hazel to the doctor sooner when I realized it might be a sinus infection?
Why did I wait so long to get the girls a dog?
Why couldn’t I be more fun today? Carefree? Child-like?
Why didn’t I plan something fun for the weekend? Instead of us talking about plans for 2 hours and wasting the day away?
Why, why why???
And here’s what I have to tell myself…over and over.
I can’t be the perfect mom…or the perfect wife…or the perfect person. Being a mom is exhausting – emotionally, physically, spiritually.
In the past 7 years, I have never slept less or worried more. My mind is in a constant tailspin – trying to balance out the needs of each of us with the constant reminder that I’m only human and there are only 24 hours in a day.
Parenting is hard, no matter how you look at it. If you’re a single mom, a working mom, a stay at home mom. If you have one child, two children or five children.
Some days are just going to be easier. Some days you are going to think you are finally “getting” it only to be reminded tomorrow that you have no idea what you are really doing.
Today the kids are getting along, dinner’s going in the crockpot and you actually showered while tomorrow could bring a stomach virus and 10 loads of laundry.
We just don’t know.
Being a mom is like being a contestant on an improv show. We are always “up” and desperate to find a prop that will make this job easier. Each “turn” is different and we are praying we get to go on to the next round.
But here’s the big secret – guess what? You’re already moving on…we already made it to the next round. Our spot is guaranteed because we are the only one playing.
All the competition we feel and the thresholds we think we have to meet? Those are just the ones we have created…ones we made up when we tried to compare ourselves to other moms, our own moms, our friends.
But the only thing that is real and worth comparing is how our kids feel about us at the end of the day. Not asking yourself did you parent perfect but did you parent just right?
Do your kids know they are safe and loved? Do they know that in the best of times and the worst of times, you will be their constant? Do they know they can come to you when they make their biggest mistake or have their biggest success?
Have you hugged them and kissed them today? Did you tell them you loved them and really mean it?
If you did, take off the boxing gloves and pat yourself on the back.
You’re doing it right…
If you have missed any in the series 31 Days & 31 Ways To Be A Better Mom, catch up here:
INTRO TO SERIES:
DAY 1: OUR BEFORE SCHOOL RULE
DAY 2: UNPLUG AND PLUG IN
DAY 3: STEP AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD
DAY 4: EMBRACE YOUR CRAZY
DAY 5: BE A REBEL
DAY 6: DO AS I SAY
DAY 7: FIND YOUR VILLAGE
DAY 8: DIVIDE & CONQUER
DAY 9: ONE SMART COOKIE
DAY 11: STOP COMPARING YOUR CHILD
DAY 12: TAKE CARE OF #1
DAY 13: DATE YOUR CHILD
DAY 17: PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES
DAY 18: QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP
DAY 22: FAMILY DINNER SHMINNER
DAY 23: REBELLION IS A CRAZY THING
DAY 24: TELL THEM IT WILL GET BETTER
DAY 26: IT’S OKAY TO WISH TODAY WAS OVER
DAY 27: BE A GOOD DAUGHTER
DAY 28: QUIT TRYING TO BE THAT OTHER MOM
DAY 29: YOU CAN’T BUY THEIR HAPPINESS
DAY 30: TELL YOUR KIDS YOU ARE A FAILURE
DAY 31: LEARNING TO LET GO